While Ayzia and Eden were out with their dad, we had an ice cream treat. Just PJ Mask Owlet and her side-kick mom!
Parenting tips from Webinar “Get Kids to Listen Without Nagging, Reminding or Yelling”
Hosted by Amy McCready
Don’t make threats or negative consequences if you aren’t going to implement them, because the follow through is so important. Your kids need to know that what you say is what you mean. It will lead respect for each side of the relationship.
Piggybacking= I told you so, piling on. “You knew if you didn’t clean your room you wouldn’t play video games so don’t get mad at me. Zip your lips, implement the consequence with dignity. “Looks like you chose to not clean your room and lose video game time. Hope you choose a better choice next time.” Otherwise they shut down and they anger turns towards you. Let you kids made mistakes with dignity, and not feel like the stupidest kid on the block.
Do you have a frequent forgetter=stop with the repeating and reminding? (But I have ADHD that are designed to need reminders???) If they can’t take responsibly for this little stuff, she promises they won’t be able to take responsibility with the big stuff down the road. Let them take responsibility. Let’s set them up for success. Inform them that we will not keep remind them. Ask them what they can do to help remind themselves about the new rule and the parent request. An example is they can draw a picture.
“A child who always forgets, has a parent who always remembers.” If we always remember for them, there is no reason for them to remember and have taken responsibility for themselves.
So if we’ve followed through with discipline, not piggybacked with guild and shame and set the child up for success and they have a meltdown; throw themselves on the floor, screamed “I hate you”, and whatever else they do.
3 objectives to a meltdown from child:
- They are letting you know they are upset with you. Expressing their dissatisfaction. It’s okay and part of process.
- Trying to change your mind.
- Trying to suck you into the power struggle. If child says, “that’s not fare!” And you respond with, “Oh yes, it is fair.” The minute you respond you’ve gotten sucked into the power struggle and child has one.
If child is safe, ignore it. If you respond and get into the power struggle you are giving them a huge dose of attention. The child will engage in it repeatedly. Is it rude to ignore the meltdown? This isn’t applied to the child with a meltdown because they are tired, have been dragged through the mall, and is hungry. This child needs immediate attention. She is only referring to the deliberate, manipulative meltdown. You must know what kind of meltdown it is.
A good consequence are the ones that meet all the R’s: Respective, relatable,
Consequences aren’t the only tool to use. Only use consequences 10-15% of the time. IF they are used more, we will have way more power struggles. Consequences aren’t going to be the only tool to correct problem behavior.
Wouldn’t it be nice if a professor gave us credit towards our final grade for correcting our own research paper and which so happened included a pep-talk, self-esteem boost review? Well folks, it can be done…
The survival guide for Kids with autism spectrum disorders (and their parents) by Elizabeth Verdick and Elizabeth Reeve, M.D.
Sharing the diagnosis with your child (for parents) pg227
1. First and foremost, know that it’s likely your child already has a idea that he or she is “different” in some way. The news may not be as shocking as you think Kids with autism spectrum disorders realize they struggle in certain areas, but they don’t know why. They may think, “I do everything wrong” or “It’s all my fault.” They may wonder why they’re in a special education program or why they see doctors and therapist a lot more often than other kids do…. it’s an opportunity for you to give your child n ot only the reasons but also reassurance. Children need to know that having a condition isn’t their fault.
2. The most important thing you can do is to keep the conversation positive. Wait until you yourself are at a point of acceptance.
3. How to keep the conversation positive? By making it clear that you’re there to answer questions, to offer support, and to always be a source of unconditional love.
4. Look for signs of readiness. If your child says something like, “I’m so stupid!” or “I can’t do things, right?”
5. Choose a good time: Home is quiet, child is calm, no pressing agendas are present.
6. Autism spectrum disorders are considered medical conditions. Kids who have ASD need help, guidance, and support. Some parents make the3 mistake of believing that because a diagnosis will lead to a label, that label will then hold their child back in school, in social situations, and throughout life. But failing to acknowledge the condition doesn’t change the reality of it. Other parents attempt to soften the truth by telling their child he or she has a learning disorder or a developmental delay. This terminology may give children the impression that they’ll outgrow the problem or “get better” if they “do things right.” Avoiding the diagnosis or giving it a different name only postpones the process of getting kids the help they need and deserve.