Parenting Tips From Webinar

Parenting tips from Webinar “Get Kids to Listen Without Nagging, Reminding or Yelling”

Hosted by Amy McCready

Don’t make threats or negative consequences if you aren’t going to implement them, because the follow through is so important. Your kids need to know that what you say is what you mean. It will lead respect for each side of the relationship.

Piggybacking= I told you so, piling on. “You knew if you didn’t clean your room you wouldn’t play video games so don’t get mad at me. Zip your lips, implement the consequence with dignity. “Looks like you chose to not clean your room and lose video game time. Hope you choose a better choice next time.” Otherwise they shut down and they anger turns towards you. Let you kids made mistakes with dignity, and not feel like the stupidest kid on the block.

Do you have a frequent forgetter=stop with the repeating and reminding? (But I have ADHD that are designed to need reminders???) If they can’t take responsibly for this little stuff, she promises they won’t be able to take responsibility with the big stuff down the road. Let them take responsibility. Let’s set them up for success. Inform them that we will not keep remind them.  Ask them what they can do to help remind themselves about the new rule and the parent request. An example is they can draw a picture.

“A child who always forgets, has a parent who always remembers.” If we always remember for them, there is no reason for them to remember and have taken responsibility for themselves.

So if we’ve followed through with discipline, not piggybacked with guild and shame and set the child up for success and they have a meltdown; throw themselves on the floor, screamed “I hate you”, and whatever else they do.

3 objectives to a meltdown from child:

  1. They are letting you know they are upset with you. Expressing their dissatisfaction. It’s okay and part of process.
  2. Trying to change your mind.
  3. Trying to suck you into the power struggle. If child says, “that’s not fare!” And you respond with, “Oh yes, it is fair.” The minute you respond you’ve gotten sucked into the power struggle and child has one.

If child is safe, ignore it. If you respond and get into the power struggle you are giving them a huge dose of attention. The child will engage in it repeatedly. Is it rude to ignore the meltdown? This isn’t applied to the child with a meltdown because they are tired, have been dragged through the mall, and is hungry. This child needs immediate attention. She is only referring to the deliberate, manipulative meltdown. You must know what kind of meltdown it is.

A good consequence are the ones that meet all the R’s: Respective, relatable,

Consequences aren’t the only tool to use. Only use consequences 10-15% of the time. IF they are used more, we will have way more power struggles.  Consequences aren’t going to be the only tool to correct problem behavior.

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Notes on ASD: sharing diagnosis with child

The survival guide for Kids with autism spectrum disorders (and their parents) by Elizabeth Verdick and Elizabeth Reeve, M.D.

Sharing the diagnosis with your child (for parents) pg227

1.      First and foremost, know that it’s likely your child already has a idea that he or she is “different” in some way. The news may not be as shocking as you think Kids with autism spectrum disorders realize they struggle in certain areas, but they don’t know why. They may think, “I do everything wrong” or “It’s all my fault.” They may wonder why they’re in a special education program or why they see doctors and therapist a lot more often than other kids do…. it’s an opportunity for you to give your child n ot only the reasons but also reassurance. Children need to know that having a condition isn’t their fault.

2.      The most important thing you can do is to keep the conversation positive. Wait until you yourself are at a point of acceptance.

3.      How to keep the conversation positive? By making it clear that you’re there to answer questions, to offer support, and to always be a source of unconditional love.

4.      Look for signs of readiness. If your child says something like, “I’m so stupid!” or “I can’t do things, right?”

5.      Choose a good time: Home is quiet, child is calm, no pressing agendas are present.

6.      Autism spectrum disorders are considered medical conditions. Kids who have ASD need help, guidance, and support. Some parents make the3 mistake of believing that because a diagnosis will lead to a label, that label will then hold their child back in school, in social situations, and throughout life. But failing to acknowledge the condition doesn’t change the reality of it. Other parents attempt to soften the truth by telling their child he or she has a learning disorder or a developmental delay. This terminology may give children the impression that they’ll outgrow the problem or “get better” if they “do things right.” Avoiding the diagnosis or giving it a different name only postpones the process of getting kids the help they need and deserve.

 

 

This URL will provide information about my faith journey. I apologize ahead of time, that information may be posted at inconvenient intervals.

This additional blogsite to Sappy Happy Tales,  will be singular to my personal ‘faith transition’ or ‘post Mormonism’ content. The sole purpose for adding the site is purely for self-centered reasons. My life is full of wonderful things, but driving and seeing a therapist has yet to enter my schedule. I would like to have this resource, but until then-there will be “Journaling to Discover and to Express Faith.” I do not intend and most likely will not publish all my written experiences- there is at least 7 years worth.

An Exit From Fundamentalism

Jake and I value our relationship with family and friends. We strive to live in honesty and honor, while rooting our family in the unconditional love God gives. Sometimes joining these concepts within these mediums isn’t always clear on how to do it smoothly. Our family has resigned our membership to our religion, but not in our faith. It is difficult to know how open we need to be and with whom. Many aspects about being open with our transition makes me(Heidi) uneasy. A part of uneasiness comes from defining ourselves, which doesn’t align with my value of, everybody is on equal playing grounds. Any type of seclusion or separation of our Self depletes humanity. It would be nice if we all tapped into feeling and perceiving our fluid connection with Life. A natural progression to  personal communication with this topic is ideal. While other times may require the authenticity for Self to speak up. We imagine this news may be heart-sinking for some who know us and view this post. If questions arise, we are willing to respond with simple answers if that is your desire. Because we value our relationships, we have no intentions of persuading others to change their course of direction. A common misconception when people leave their religion is that they have been offended, are unhappy or desire to ‘sin’. But in reality, it is because they have a tendency to ask questions, seek truth, and want understanding to their cognitive dissonance. This transition to a new chapter in our family’s journey is hard-earned. We persevered in pondering, praying, searching biblical scriptures and researched most all controversial topics about our religion. We are happy with our decision and feel at peace. We continue-on, heeding God’s Divine Power to navigate our family with ‘special needs’ children. The ideology is to raise our girls in the healthiest way we know how and/or have parental control over. Undergoing this awakening of truth, allows our faith and spirituality to develop directly under God, who isn’t limited by anything Earthly. We wish for a dual acceptance in each of our life- journeys. We hope you will trust us over time that we are making the best decision for our family.

Warm Wishes,
Heidi and Jake

Enforcement Psychology:14 Cult Characteristics

My professor, Dr. Morgan Peterson wrote our course book, Enforcement Psychology Coping with the Rigors of Policing. The content thus far has been intriguing and informative. He sometimes shares his life experienced stories to lighten the uneasy content that may come with some of the topics presented in class. Today in class we  mostly learned  about different gangs within the US. The second topic of discussion was defining a Cult. Starting on page 39 in the book, here are their  14 characteristics: 

Characteristics of Cults

All of these characteristics may or may not exist in any given group, but there is an excellent chance that at least some of these indicators will be present.

    1. Group displays zealous and unquestioning commitment to its leader and regards his belief system, ideology, and practices as truth; as law.
    2. Any dissent is discouraged and punished
    3. Mind-altering practices are used to suppress doubts about the group and its leader(s) They do this for homosexuals to help reduce their attraction, but not directly toward any leader
    4. Leadership dictates how members should think, act, and feel. (Get permission to date or marry; what types of clothes to wear; where to live; where to live; whether to have children; hot to discipline children)
    5. The group is elitist, claiming exalted status, for its leader(s) and members( leader is considered the Messiah, a special being or the group and/or leader are on a mission to save humanity.)
    6. The group is polarized and isolated
    7. The leader answers to no higher authority
    8. The group teaches that its exalted ends justify whatever means it deems necessary.
    9. Leadership induces feelings of shame and guilt in order to influence and control members
    10. Subservience to the leader or group requires members to cut ties with family and friends, and radically alter the personal goals and activities they had before joining the group.(going on a mission instead of school.
    11. The group is preoccupied with bringing in new members and making money
    12. Members are expected to devote inordinate amounts of time to group-related activities.
    13. Members are encouraged or required to live and /or socialize only with members.
    14. Loyal members feel there can be no life outside of the group, and often fear the consequences to themselves or others if they leave.