Mindy Liked Listening to 80’s Rock and Country
Ring of Fire
When Mindy died I ‘fell into a ring of fire and as I fell, the flames went higher.’ Scriptures speak of a refiner’s fire. The word Refiner in the bible dictionary states, “A man who separates the precious metals from the dross with which in nature they are usually found mixed. Part of the process consists in the application of great heat, in order to bring the mass into a fluid state, hence the term “refiner’s fire.” Christ is the great Refiner.” In the book of Isaiah chapter one, verse twenty five says, “And I will turn my hand upon thee, and purely purge away thy dross, and take away all thy tin.” It felt like the details surrounding Mindy’s death planted dross inside my heart and I had to choose whether to let it morph or let Christ refine me.
Little Magic Glasses
Part of grieving was putting the ‘magic glasses’ inside a box and knowing how to seal it with a lock. I realized when Mindy was gone my vision of the future had her in it. Birthdays and holidays remind me of old expectations. The year following her death, I had to force myself to make friends. It felt pointless because the one friend I wanted was gone. Missing out on a tangible relationship with Mindy creates a negative space. But this space is filled with my three little girls. My relationship with Ayzia, Eden and Ivy doesn’t replace the one I have with Mindy, but I certainly have found a new kind of glasses.
‘Down a long dusty road there’s a house that nobody lives in anymore. Inside the house is a grandfather clock that’s silent and covered with spider webs’. I feel people leave this earth too early. It’s not always their time to die or Heavenly Father needs them on the other side. I’m so glad Mindy had family like my dad Mike and grandpa Garth to greet her on the other side when she passed. My grandpa Thomas’ clock stopped about 6 months before Mindy’s and was still clear of cobwebs. It seems logical he was also a great asset in helping her transition sides.
One and One Make’s Two
There was a period where the loss of Mindy was paramount and felt like a part of myself was lost. Ten years of my upbringing consisted of ‘one and one made two’. So when she was gone, ‘the number one wasn’t my favorite number cause one means only me and there’s no you.’ I took much comfort in having three other siblings because, ‘Everyone needs somebody to share with. To love and help and care for through and through’. It’s curious how relationships don’t really end when people die. They keep evolving either through memories or by feeling their spirit. The relationship may feel at times one dimensional, but that is part of the set-backs of mortal existence.
I’ve Got Jesus in My Soul
‘I’ve got Jesus in my soul, it’s the only way I know’. I’m glad Jesus was my guide through life up until Mindy’s death, because He helped me handle the adversity. Without Him my dross would have kept decrepitating, never reaching its refined state. Some heavy questions were on my mind, and the scriptures were able to answer those. Much of my scripture reading during this time was about Heavenly Father’s role of being just and Jesus Christ’s being mercy. Both roles work together with the atonement. I feel it was faith that made it possible for our family to remain close.
Mindy was delicate with the words she put on paper and was her preferred way of communicating. There are journals of hers that went missing after she died. Maybe by mentioning that her family would be grateful for their return, the universe will help bring them to us. If you feel inclined to add upon her character or your feelings; leaving a comment it’s graciously welcomed.