Notes on ASD: sharing diagnosis with child

The survival guide for Kids with autism spectrum disorders (and their parents) by Elizabeth Verdick and Elizabeth Reeve, M.D.

Sharing the diagnosis with your child (for parents) pg227

1.      First and foremost, know that it’s likely your child already has a idea that he or she is “different” in some way. The news may not be as shocking as you think Kids with autism spectrum disorders realize they struggle in certain areas, but they don’t know why. They may think, “I do everything wrong” or “It’s all my fault.” They may wonder why they’re in a special education program or why they see doctors and therapist a lot more often than other kids do…. it’s an opportunity for you to give your child n ot only the reasons but also reassurance. Children need to know that having a condition isn’t their fault.

2.      The most important thing you can do is to keep the conversation positive. Wait until you yourself are at a point of acceptance.

3.      How to keep the conversation positive? By making it clear that you’re there to answer questions, to offer support, and to always be a source of unconditional love.

4.      Look for signs of readiness. If your child says something like, “I’m so stupid!” or “I can’t do things, right?”

5.      Choose a good time: Home is quiet, child is calm, no pressing agendas are present.

6.      Autism spectrum disorders are considered medical conditions. Kids who have ASD need help, guidance, and support. Some parents make the3 mistake of believing that because a diagnosis will lead to a label, that label will then hold their child back in school, in social situations, and throughout life. But failing to acknowledge the condition doesn’t change the reality of it. Other parents attempt to soften the truth by telling their child he or she has a learning disorder or a developmental delay. This terminology may give children the impression that they’ll outgrow the problem or “get better” if they “do things right.” Avoiding the diagnosis or giving it a different name only postpones the process of getting kids the help they need and deserve.

 

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Ayzia’s 9th Birthday

Strawberry Cake with Neapolitan ice cream

Strawberry Cake
with Neapolitan ice cream

20160216_001015424_iOS 20160216_002835035_iOS

Sunland Ranch 2-15-2016

Sunland Ranch
2-15-2016

Ayzia’s Birthday fell on President’s Day so she didn’t have school. I couldn’t tell if she was glad about that or not. Two of her favorite places to get food are Panda Express and Souplantation, so that is what we had for lunch and dinner. Before her riding lesson, we went swimming, but I can’t seem to find any photos. I could have sworn I took some…

Boiled Eggs and Poopy Diapers: A Life Lesson in Jokes, Religion and War.

It’s Sunday morning, the day of our church primary program. Our family and many others are excited and anticipating how our children will do. There is a wonderful feeling children bring when they sing about Jesus. On the car drive over Ivy poops her diaper. There isn’t a clean one because I’m planning to leave early due to a head cold. Brainstorming synapsis fire away. I can make it work! Go to the bathroom inside the church, clean out the poop, fold lots of toilet paper inside the diaper. We are good-to-go, problem solved!

Directly turning into the crowded church parking lot, a car is parked in a non-designated stall; along a curb where everyone who enters can see! The trunk is opened. Just below, on the freshly tarred lot, are at least 10 white manikin limbs, each having a section of bloody red dye at the base! I’m not Ann Rice or Tom Clancy, but try to imagine in your own words a disturbing scene. Completely caught-off-guard lightly palpitates what my heart feels. Thoughts occur: this is supposed to be a place of refuge, a place to heal my spirit, a place to enjoy my child’s primary program-where they sing about Jesus and feel His love. Wow! That’s one way to kill the spirit of the Holy Ghost. Could this be a joke? No, it can’t be. It must have been an accident. Someone was trying to get something out of their car. Their career is giving seminars teaching First Aid and they have these props that coincidently fell out. Right? Fiction or Non Fiction, the initial reaction to the ‘stage’ has been felt and imprinted into the sinews of each person affected.

Luckily the awful scene leaves my mind during the few minutes of Ayzia and Eden’s parts. Eventually Ivy is too active during the program and people sitting nearby are trying to enjoy the performance so I leave. In the car, I exit the parking lot the same way I entered. Three men stand by the car of the incident. The trunk is still open, but no bloody limbs scatter the ground. I pull out onto the road without an episode, but my eggs are boiled and they need to be shelled! I turn around, back to the men. Our exchange goes something like, “Were your guys involved with the bloody limbs?” A man answers, “Yes, this is my car and my friend thought it would be a funny joke. We have thrown the parts away. In the service of the joke, my tire got popped.” To my calculations they are standing around, waiting for the tire to be repaired. I don’t know if it is him or I who spoke next, but an apology is made. My feelings are relayed, “I had kids in the car, it was a disturbing image and most likely the people walking out of the church with their kids were also disturbed.” He admits, “It was too graphic of a scene for young kids.” Then he turns to one of the men and says, “He shouldn’t have done that.” I can only assume this was the ‘friend’ who played the joke. The ‘friend’ hugs close to a tree, with his arms folded and head down. His body language portrays his remorse, but his snickering face says he enjoys my complaint because it fits perfectly along with his joke.

I love to laugh. Years ago, I was the one to play the April Fool’s joke too far! I have since then learned my lesson. This man was older than me. One would think being wise in years gives the knowledge as to where and when these kinds of jokes are played. I say to the group, “I’m all about playing jokes and having a good laugh, but this was the wrong place at the wrong time.” Driving away, more thoughts come to mind. The bloody limbs aren’t just obscene for young kids. Real crime scenes look like this that afflict trauma on family members and friends. What about the people who fight in war and come home struggling with post-traumatic stress disorder. Many of the members in our church congregation serve our country. Recently I was in possession of a graphic picture of a family member with an infection in their leg from a surgery. I am able to look subjectively at these kinds of medical photos. Unfortunately I tried showing a friend this picture, who incidentally fought in the war on terror. Shamefully I remembered his service too late. As I replay the scene over in my mind, I see on their face the trauma of war and will for the rest of their life. Of course, my phone-photo of an infected leg is real and the manikin legs aren’t. But it doesn’t matter whether it is fake or real, each person is affected differently with or without past trauma.

Reasons over shadow each other as to why this post is necessary. To the reader it is based upon their interpretation. Personally, some would be: repenting for what I did to my friend, to keep my kids innocent as long as possible, to be aware of my actions, respect people’s life story that isn’t similar to my own, to check myself before I think a joke ‘would be’ funny. One thing is certain, the reasons for war, an act of crime, and PTSD cannot be resolved simply by stuffing a diaper with toilet paper. When we share or re-share a video, a picture, a news clipping, a joke or display a dreadful scene; let’s ask ourselves, “Who’s hard boiled eggs do you really want to crack open?”

Library Reads For August 2014:Back-to-School, Halloween, Folktale

Grade School Stories

There's No Place Like School: Classroom Poems

Fun poems about grade school. I particularly liked: Far Away, It’s Today?, Countdown to Recess, Not Fair.

A Pirate's Guide to Recess

A Pirate's Guide to First Grade

This School Year Will Be the BEST!

The Secret Science Project That Almost Ate the School

 

ZooZical

 Halloween Reads

Winnie the Witch

 

The House That Drac Built

The pictures are kind of creepy looking, but the reading is pretty light hearted. For a Halloween theme, it has a bright ending.

Never Kick a Ghost and Other Silly Chillers

Life Lessons From Folktales

The Mean Hyena: A Folktale from Malawi

This book teaches us that if we want to play a trick on someone, we can expect that somebody will play an even bigger trick on us!

 

The Beautiful Butterfly: A Folktale from Spain

Most butterfly stories tell of how the caterpillar blossoms into the butterfly, likening it to someone discovering their true potential. This folktale is lovely because it is about two characters who love each other and it surpasses the cliché stories about butterflies.