Parenting Tips From Webinar

Parenting tips from Webinar “Get Kids to Listen Without Nagging, Reminding or Yelling”

Hosted by Amy McCready

Don’t make threats or negative consequences if you aren’t going to implement them, because the follow through is so important. Your kids need to know that what you say is what you mean. It will lead respect for each side of the relationship.

Piggybacking= I told you so, piling on. “You knew if you didn’t clean your room you wouldn’t play video games so don’t get mad at me. Zip your lips, implement the consequence with dignity. “Looks like you chose to not clean your room and lose video game time. Hope you choose a better choice next time.” Otherwise they shut down and they anger turns towards you. Let you kids made mistakes with dignity, and not feel like the stupidest kid on the block.

Do you have a frequent forgetter=stop with the repeating and reminding? (But I have ADHD that are designed to need reminders???) If they can’t take responsibly for this little stuff, she promises they won’t be able to take responsibility with the big stuff down the road. Let them take responsibility. Let’s set them up for success. Inform them that we will not keep remind them.  Ask them what they can do to help remind themselves about the new rule and the parent request. An example is they can draw a picture.

“A child who always forgets, has a parent who always remembers.” If we always remember for them, there is no reason for them to remember and have taken responsibility for themselves.

So if we’ve followed through with discipline, not piggybacked with guild and shame and set the child up for success and they have a meltdown; throw themselves on the floor, screamed “I hate you”, and whatever else they do.

3 objectives to a meltdown from child:

  1. They are letting you know they are upset with you. Expressing their dissatisfaction. It’s okay and part of process.
  2. Trying to change your mind.
  3. Trying to suck you into the power struggle. If child says, “that’s not fare!” And you respond with, “Oh yes, it is fair.” The minute you respond you’ve gotten sucked into the power struggle and child has one.

If child is safe, ignore it. If you respond and get into the power struggle you are giving them a huge dose of attention. The child will engage in it repeatedly. Is it rude to ignore the meltdown? This isn’t applied to the child with a meltdown because they are tired, have been dragged through the mall, and is hungry. This child needs immediate attention. She is only referring to the deliberate, manipulative meltdown. You must know what kind of meltdown it is.

A good consequence are the ones that meet all the R’s: Respective, relatable,

Consequences aren’t the only tool to use. Only use consequences 10-15% of the time. IF they are used more, we will have way more power struggles.  Consequences aren’t going to be the only tool to correct problem behavior.

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Girls Road Trip 2016

The girls and I went on a quick road trip to Gilbert AZ to see some of our really good friends. Even thought it was short, it was packed full with fun. Other places we went to that aren’t seen here in these pictures are Sodalicious and a waterpark. I hadn’t been to Scottsdale but I was happy to see Native American stores and several of the employees at Butterfly Wonderland were Native American. The street signs also have Native American names. Ever since I was little there has been a kinship to their culture and it pleases me when they are portrayed with positive images. 20160627_024221825_iOS20160627_024245716_iOS20160627_174004754_iOS20160627_174049187_iOS20160627_174418695_iOS20160627_180304363_iOS20160627_175238834_iOS20160627_180905028_iOS20160627_204254901_iOS20160627_205758124_iOS

 

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Ivy’s 2nd Birthday

Back around Halloween time, the three girls and I went into a costume store. A huge man size gorilla costume was hanging from the ceiling. Ivy looked up and with excitement said, “Monkey!” It was one of the first clear words she had said. After that, she loved to say the word whenever she got the chance. It so happened that monkeys seemed to have appeared everywhere: books, television, movies, clothes, paper plates. So I thought, “Heck, why not?”

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I think she’s eating a sausage link here. There are several things in this picture we are exposing, so why not a half-bitten greasy sausage?

2016Jan05_0042Since she’s only two, I guess it’s okay to write about some of her personality and tendencies. She might be the child to make me completely deaf, because she screams so loud when she doesn’t get what she wants. Which makes her an effective communicator.  She knows exactly what she wants and doesn’t. It’s either up or down, in or out, on or off, and heaven-forbid if I get it wrong. She is just like our other children in the sense that she loves to laugh, be silly and make people happy. She likes a sense of thrill and to go places.  When there isn’t a moment of something occupying her mind, we have endless phone videos of her friend Spencer and family so that she can watch them and talk to them whenever she wants. Oh, and she is the size of a 3 1/2- 4 year old! Watch out Project Runway, she’s coming for you some day!

Ayzia’s 9th Birthday

Strawberry Cake with Neapolitan ice cream

Strawberry Cake
with Neapolitan ice cream

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Sunland Ranch 2-15-2016

Sunland Ranch
2-15-2016

Ayzia’s Birthday fell on President’s Day so she didn’t have school. I couldn’t tell if she was glad about that or not. Two of her favorite places to get food are Panda Express and Souplantation, so that is what we had for lunch and dinner. Before her riding lesson, we went swimming, but I can’t seem to find any photos. I could have sworn I took some…