Community Relations Class 2016:Outline Paper

My Community Relations class requires an outline on the dynamics between multicultural communities and law enforcement. A long list of options was provided and my choice of research is in the format below.

Heidi Huish

Outline for AJ 103

  1. Gay, Lesbian, and Transgender Issues in Policing
  2. This outline will discuss the positive and negative relations between: transgender civilians with police departments and transgender law enforcement employees with management. Lastly, it will conclude with my opinion on this topic along with some personal experiences.
  3. Firstly, law enforcement officers in the past have not properly handled hate-crimes toward transgender civilians and are implementing laws to improve their procedures. Secondly, law enforcement employs people of transgender into a wide variety of positions. The challenges surrounding their employment need proper management and TCOPS is an organization supporting transgender to ensure a positive future.
    • An article on the FBI’s website, Law Enforcement and Transgender Communities, discusses law enforcement’s lack of appropriate treatment on cases with people of transgender. An example case was about Brandon, a transman (female transitioned to male) being assaulted and raped by acquaintances. Brandon reported the incident to local law enforcement and told them he was afraid the perpetrators would come after him again. The sheriff was crude and dehumanizing during Brandon’s report, didn’t provide him protection and the perpetrators went unpunished. In 1993 Brandon and two other people were murdered in his home by the same perpetrators. With the help of research, training, and community support, law enforcement procedures have improved regarding victims of sexual assault and people of transgender. A few written improvements are: U.S courts of appeals consider transgender discrimination to be “sex discrimination”. Directive 152 is implemented by the Philadelphia Police Department and requires their officers to use appropriate language, such as preferred pronouns, when talking with transgender individuals. This directive also allows transgender arrestees to be referred to by their preferred name and gender. Another improvement started in 2007, when Washington, D.C Metropolitan Police Department implemented the General Order PCA 501-02. This policy has extensive definitions and procedures, but one example is the requirement of transgender juvenile offenders to be granted medical attention, and allowed their hormone therapy.
    • When a transgender law enforcement employee is transitioning, it becomes a challenge for management. Thorough education and training is important to effectively equip them with the right skill-sets. Navigating work issues may encompass presumable contentious issues: name change on credentials and documents, addressing grooming standards and their presentation at work. Also, safe boundaries need clarified regarding restroom and locker room access. A peer support network identified as TCOPS (Transgender Community of Police and Sheriffs), consists of a variety of transgender law enforcement employees such as officers, detectives, forensic scientists, crime scene technicians, military etc. TCOPS’ plan is to integrate their network into a non-profit organization to help advance transgender’s employee rights.
  4. In conclusion, my opinion originates from personal experience and extends from legitimate online resources. I think it is best to respect all individuals and segments of society while not discriminating them from equal rights and opportunities. Throughout the last 20 years our society has improved the treatment towards members of the LGBT community and decreased hindering their rights.
    • While growing up in Utah, I had very little information about the LGBT community in the 80’s and early 90’s. Reasoning was partly due to time-period, culture, and my religion. I was part of the ‘hindering segment’ of society who needed to be educated and allow self-reflection. Since my senior year in high school I have been blessed with friends and co-workers who identify as gay or lesbian. My care for them motivates me to continue learning and lending my support through love. I have a trans-sister-in-law living in Seattle. She is in her 40’s and transitioning to female. My husband and I love and support her. We view her as a caring family member, a dedicated parent, a spiritual Hindu, and a person making positive contributions to society. When she came out as transgender to family, I was obsessed… or was it distressed? Either way, it motivated me to learn more about gender dysphoria. My research brought me closer to her and more certain to be an advocate. Many LGBT people experience negative hardships from different imposing factors that other segments of society aren’t faced with. It is easy to remain stagnant in helping their community when there is minimal personal connection. However, when LGBT people lack positive support, it may be the changing influence for them to act on suicide. As hard as life is, it is a gift and blessing; we need to do all we can to help individuals choose life. Currently Salt Lake City has a large LGBT community and improvements are implemented to support their rights.
    • As time proceeds, I foresee law enforcement continuing to make improvements in serving LGBT communities and building positive relationships. An incident happened on November 17, 2016 in the San Diego LGBT community that revealed how some members still distrust law enforcement officers. A transgender cop named Christine Garcia, helped plan and escorted the Transgender Day of Remembrance march. When the march was over, Marcia was denied entrance to the remainder festivities because she was in uniform. The incident created a platform where the two cultures came together to clarify how law enforcement has improved. Nicole Murray-Ramirez, the City Commissioner and LGBT activist, issued an apology and said law enforcement officers are always welcome into the community.

Just for the heck of it, here are some pics from our northwest trip back in 2002

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“Seas the Day and Adjust the Sails”

The thought has been lingering well over a year to write on a particular matter. However, the matter touches every star in my little universe. It may also touch on one of your stars. My hesitations come from wanting to protect my privacy. I also don’t know how to write about this so it won’t come across as too self-indulgent and whiney. So it is what it is, let’s begin by talking broadly about a few of my blessings in life: Jake has a good job that allows me to stay home with my children, I attend Palomar College, I have three children and a dog, and I live in San Diego! Each of these bring me great joy and I like it just the way it is. These blessing are not here because of only myself. Everyone in my life has helped put me here. These blessing don’t come from one solitary choice and acted out only by me.

Blessings also come with heartaches and challenges. Jake travels every other week, leaving me to be a single parent. Learning my school material is harder because my brain isn’t as absorbent as it once was and I’m a lot busier. My children each have their challenges. My dog, well… she just causes a lot of unwanted hair all over the house. Living in San Diego, means I’m away from family and their possible help while Jake is out of town.

The other day was one of these challenging-blessed days. Often I feel there are so many different opposing sources being thrown into my life and I cannot keep up. During this reflection in a doctor’s waiting room, I looked up and saw these signs on the wall.

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My body settled down and attained a bit a stability. I cannot direct the wind, but I can adjust my sails. One of my sails is that Ayzia has ADHD and Autism. Some say these are disorders, and I find myself saying that as well. However, hear me loud and clear it is NOT. These are blessings in my life and just like any other blessing, it comes with challenges. I remain physically active because of my Ayzia, I keep my brain learning new things because of my Ayzia. But how do I really feel about the diagnoses? As Donald Trump would say, “The relief was HUGE!” But so was the self-inducing guilt. I was happy and blessed to have an ADHD, Autistic child and that all her beautiful and challenging eccentricities had a name. The guilt came from, “I had a feeling it was this all along and not until 8 ½ years old is she getting a diagnoses.” I am angry, frustrated and impatient! I am protective and defensive. I also feel refined individually and in my marriage. My impatience and frustration comes from this rough estimated time line:

  • January 2015: Scheduled an appointment with Rady’s Children Hospital at Autism Discovery Institute to be evaluated. They picked the date of the appointment and my job was to agree it’s timing, August 2015. Say What?? 8 months away!!
  • March 2015: Sitting down with her school and talked about getting her some extra help. We came up with a plan, but getting her an IEP was held off.
  • August 2015: Evaluated and diagnosed with ADHD and Autism Spectrum Disorder.
  • Wahoo! All things sail straight from here right? Nope.
  • April 2016: 1 year and 3 months, she finally started speech and behavioral therapy and the school is working on getting an IEP.

Around the time of Ayzia’s diagnoses, I was to restart school. Somehow I got the start time confused with my kids and missed the first two weeks of class. Consequently, I took fall semester off. Which proved useful because it allowed me more time and energy towards family and myself. Reading articles on learning disorders; many of the articles felt deeply familiar and I related to most of them on a personal level. It was then, I admitted to myself that I too, have a learning disorder. It may not be the same as Ayzia’s, but I have something, I just don’t know what exactly. I vowed to myself then, I would not leave Ayzia in the dark about this part of herself and this is why. My prior school years burned a self-belief in myself that “I was stupid.” I genuinely felt and knew I was stupid. Not because anybody told me I was, but that school and friendships were an extreme challenge. I didn’t understand most of my social interactions and friendships. I self-taught myself to read people’s mannerisms. To this day when people talk, I mostly read what their body and face are saying and little of what words they choose. I can look back and understand why, in high school, my friend was frustrated with me because I wouldn’t talk with her as we walked to our next class. During a math test, I couldn’t answer any of the questions because one of my guy friends was chomping on his bubble gum. Near the end of the period I blew up and yelled at him to stop “Smacking his gums!” I cried and laughed to my best friend all during lunch about how stupid I acted and confused I felt. If I would have known what was going on and why, if it had a name, maybe I would have had a stronger self-esteem. I couldn’t and didn’t know how to tell my parents. You may be thinking, what did her parents do? They didn’t know. Because like Ayzia, I didn’t tell them most things and unless you are watching every intricate detail in someone’s life…..it’s still nearly impossible to understand internal problems. For the most part, I look and act ‘normal’ and so does my girl. But if you want to have a conversation with us? Brace yourself because, it is going to take a lot longer than the typical. It is difficult to get thoughts out. I stuttered as a young child and as an adult, if it’s urgent and I have to talk fast the stutter comes back. Learning and dealing with Ayzia’s challenges forces me to deal with myself and my own learning problems. Now that Ayzia is getting therapy, she knows her autism and that I can relate to some degree. I’m helping her believe and feel she is beautiful and extremely smart. She is highly motivated in learning and has an amazing memory with scientific facts and creativity. Our family enforces we are here to help each other build our strengths and overcome our challenges and with this we have times of success and times of failures.

Learning is difficult for me and always will be. I am smart and dealing well with being a slow learner. Given the right topic and the right amount of studying time, I can do well. I received all A’s and 1 B in massage school. In the last 2 ½ years I’ve taken 7 college courses and achieved 6 A’s and 1 B. There are 2 supplements (Phosphatidylserine and Huperzine A) that I take every day that help me absorb new information, retain memory and help me verbally express my thoughts. I should add that my fibromyalgia causes brain-fog and these supplements help with this as well.

To those who come across this blog entry, may God bless your little universe and know that I am here with you striving to be the best kind of star in His big universe.

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After we had a heart-to-heart talk about some of her challenges, she was teary and a little upset. She didn't want to talk and wanted to be alone. She gave me this after some time passed. I truly cherish these gifts from her.

After we had a heart-to-heart talk about some of her challenges, she was teary and a little upset. She didn’t want to talk and wanted to be alone. She gave me this after some time passed. I truly cherish these gifts from her.

 

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Boiled Eggs and Poopy Diapers: A Life Lesson in Jokes, Religion and War.

It’s Sunday morning, the day of our church primary program. Our family and many others are excited and anticipating how our children will do. There is a wonderful feeling children bring when they sing about Jesus. On the car drive over Ivy poops her diaper. There isn’t a clean one because I’m planning to leave early due to a head cold. Brainstorming synapsis fire away. I can make it work! Go to the bathroom inside the church, clean out the poop, fold lots of toilet paper inside the diaper. We are good-to-go, problem solved!

Directly turning into the crowded church parking lot, a car is parked in a non-designated stall; along a curb where everyone who enters can see! The trunk is opened. Just below, on the freshly tarred lot, are at least 10 white manikin limbs, each having a section of bloody red dye at the base! I’m not Ann Rice or Tom Clancy, but try to imagine in your own words a disturbing scene. Completely caught-off-guard lightly palpitates what my heart feels. Thoughts occur: this is supposed to be a place of refuge, a place to heal my spirit, a place to enjoy my child’s primary program-where they sing about Jesus and feel His love. Wow! That’s one way to kill the spirit of the Holy Ghost. Could this be a joke? No, it can’t be. It must have been an accident. Someone was trying to get something out of their car. Their career is giving seminars teaching First Aid and they have these props that coincidently fell out. Right? Fiction or Non Fiction, the initial reaction to the ‘stage’ has been felt and imprinted into the sinews of each person affected.

Luckily the awful scene leaves my mind during the few minutes of Ayzia and Eden’s parts. Eventually Ivy is too active during the program and people sitting nearby are trying to enjoy the performance so I leave. In the car, I exit the parking lot the same way I entered. Three men stand by the car of the incident. The trunk is still open, but no bloody limbs scatter the ground. I pull out onto the road without an episode, but my eggs are boiled and they need to be shelled! I turn around, back to the men. Our exchange goes something like, “Were your guys involved with the bloody limbs?” A man answers, “Yes, this is my car and my friend thought it would be a funny joke. We have thrown the parts away. In the service of the joke, my tire got popped.” To my calculations they are standing around, waiting for the tire to be repaired. I don’t know if it is him or I who spoke next, but an apology is made. My feelings are relayed, “I had kids in the car, it was a disturbing image and most likely the people walking out of the church with their kids were also disturbed.” He admits, “It was too graphic of a scene for young kids.” Then he turns to one of the men and says, “He shouldn’t have done that.” I can only assume this was the ‘friend’ who played the joke. The ‘friend’ hugs close to a tree, with his arms folded and head down. His body language portrays his remorse, but his snickering face says he enjoys my complaint because it fits perfectly along with his joke.

I love to laugh. Years ago, I was the one to play the April Fool’s joke too far! I have since then learned my lesson. This man was older than me. One would think being wise in years gives the knowledge as to where and when these kinds of jokes are played. I say to the group, “I’m all about playing jokes and having a good laugh, but this was the wrong place at the wrong time.” Driving away, more thoughts come to mind. The bloody limbs aren’t just obscene for young kids. Real crime scenes look like this that afflict trauma on family members and friends. What about the people who fight in war and come home struggling with post-traumatic stress disorder. Many of the members in our church congregation serve our country. Recently I was in possession of a graphic picture of a family member with an infection in their leg from a surgery. I am able to look subjectively at these kinds of medical photos. Unfortunately I tried showing a friend this picture, who incidentally fought in the war on terror. Shamefully I remembered his service too late. As I replay the scene over in my mind, I see on their face the trauma of war and will for the rest of their life. Of course, my phone-photo of an infected leg is real and the manikin legs aren’t. But it doesn’t matter whether it is fake or real, each person is affected differently with or without past trauma.

Reasons over shadow each other as to why this post is necessary. To the reader it is based upon their interpretation. Personally, some would be: repenting for what I did to my friend, to keep my kids innocent as long as possible, to be aware of my actions, respect people’s life story that isn’t similar to my own, to check myself before I think a joke ‘would be’ funny. One thing is certain, the reasons for war, an act of crime, and PTSD cannot be resolved simply by stuffing a diaper with toilet paper. When we share or re-share a video, a picture, a news clipping, a joke or display a dreadful scene; let’s ask ourselves, “Who’s hard boiled eggs do you really want to crack open?”

Understanding Trangender I-VIII

 

Understanding Transgender I: Black Hairy Limbs

Reading and writing is entertaining when funny stories lead to the main topic. But this time you will be brought to the subject of Transgender. Also mentioned, are helpful ideas about how to respond to a family/friend/co-worker who is LGBT.  Most people dislike reading lengthy posts, or at least want a quick pick-me-up when blog- scrolling. Time on this plateau will NOT be quick, more like a meander, trying hard to stay on the path and not trample on delicate flowers. This documentation is divided into 8 parts. I will post this as one complete body of work, for those who want to read it all at once. Then I will post each section separately for those who need/want a shorter read.

Learning about the LGBT community is a process for me. My feelings and findings may evolve during the next decade. Most people know what it means to be homosexual, heterosexual and bisexual. Lately the word queer hasn’t been used in the familiar context of being attracted to the same sex. In recent years the word has evolved, in Ann Dohrendwend’s book, Coming Around, she explains queer thinking: “Queer has been reclaimed by today’s generation…Those who refer to their sexual orientations as queer reject traditional labels of heterosexual, homosexual and bisexual. They see such labels as limited and limiting, because they are majority conceptions shaped by majority biases and mores.” (8) Growing up the words, ‘Gay’, ‘Lesbian’, and ‘queer’ were used for taunting. In my 36 years of living, I have never personally used it to taunt. However, to write about LGBT is still a bit daunting for me. By worldly standards, I am conservative. Within my LDS religion, I am liberal.

The dial on the iron is turned to cotton-press. Quickly the iron slides over the yellow polka-dot sleeveless blouse. Slash-like holes are burned through the side of the back. Clearly the blouse is not cotton. A thought occurred, necessary precautions were taken so this wouldn’t happen again. All well, if a cardigan is worn, the blouse will provide its function; to match the color scheme for our family photos. Family and ironing prompt the pondering question- what are roles of masculine and feminine? Ironing is not my strong skill-set nor is being a delicious cook; I fancy performing neither of the two. Since my skills of such lack the luster and shine, does this make me an incompetent female or house wife? A pale part of me says yes, at least to the latter.

In grade school, mother let me dress myself. She took me shopping and spent a great deal of money. Disagreements over which clothes to wear or buy, never occurred. Mother has my honor for leasing the right to self-govern my image. However, my style never seemed to be the same as my classmates. Occasionally she offered that I make more an effort on my short-haired perm; to not let it flop flat and wet. Up until High School I was the odd boy… oops, girl. The word ‘odd’ is used because my teeth said it all: crooked, too big, and a major over bite. Lucky Me had such a huge mouth my teeth hadn’t a chance to hide, so I got braces. I desperately wanted glasses, so in 7th grade, dear mother bought me a non-prescription pair. I loved having braces and glasses. Looking back, my mom was probably thinking, “Whatever keeps the kissing and hand-holding at bay.” The word ‘boy’ is used because I was flat chested with black hairy limbs. In church once, my older sister leaned over and instructed that I shave my mustache before coming to church. One morning in 8th grade I used a Nair-type product. Time was limited. So half my upper lip was complete and consequently it burned the skin. So imagine in a classroom setting, a half-burned, half-haired lipped girl engaging in shallow conversation with a hairless boy nicknamed Egg. Somehow he got her on the topic of mustaches. Hmmm, wonder why? She couldn’t help thinking that the joke was on her.

 

Understanding Transgender II: Society is to Blame

Dad is a perfectly-pressed ironer. He enjoys a good conversation in person and on the phone. A curse word has never been muttered by him in my presence, nor has he raised his voice in an argument. Maybe an eyebrow, but never a tyrant vocal. Does this make him a feminine man? My father’s roles around the house are: mowing and edging the lawn, taking care of the car, doing the dishes, and paying the bills. Do these characteristics make him a masculine man? Mom does most of the renovations to our home: tiling, painting, wood working, and cabinet resurfacing. I view her as self-reliant and an autodidactic champ at accomplishing hard things. Do these characteristics suggest her a masculine woman? Mother’s roles around the house are: cooking, knitting, sewing, and decorating the yard with birds and flowers. Do these traits make her a feminine woman?

I find myself wanting to blame society or institutions where people are put into one of the two traditional gender roles. Well guess what? Forcing one to fit within the modern societal role of a particular gender is going to create irregularity, because gender doesn’t come in just pink or blue. Growing up the color purple made me kind of sick and I didn’t quite know why. As an adult it’s in my top three favorable colors and that’s due because I like its rays of diversity. The book, Why Gender Matters by Leonard Sax, M.D., Ph.D. helped me understand how the brain works in males and females. The author accredits everything he says with scientific research. I’m a little skeptical with statistics because most times the tests have a rooted agenda. However, this doctor’s results has helped me understand why institutions stereotype genders.

At first I had written the next paragraph about my distaste for institutions segregating males and females with certain activities such as: physical education in schools and in my three hour block at church there is an hour class time where they separate males and females who are older than 12 years. However, Dr Sax teaches that having separate learning activities for each gender is a good idea. Raising children pro gender neutral has its setbacks. Dr Sax points out that one of the reasons why children today have more anxiety than children in the 1950-60’s is because they are less rooted in their gender. (236) Boys need to have activities where they learn from men and girls need activities where they learn from women. When I think back at times I felt most feminine, was when I went out to lunch with my mom and her sisters, or being with girls my age where women were in charge of us. But if I could add, to not limit a gender specific learning environment to their stereotypical interests.

 

Understanding Transgender III: Dress or Tie?

I want to understand why is it so weird to see a man in a dress, or a woman in tie? Personally I love Diane Keaton’s look when she dresses in a suite and a tie. She wears masculinity and femininity beautifully. Steven Tyler is another person who seductively incorporates masculine and feminine into his style. I love his long hair, feathery- fringed jackets and tight pants. To my knowledge however, these two examples are comfortable with their gender identity. But I can’t help to think, if a dress is related to women and a man wants to wear a dress, then it would make sense for him to think he is a woman.

Why do American bathroom signs say pants are for boys and skirts are for girls, when Kilts and loins are being worn by men elsewhere? When were these earthly temporal boundaries established? Styles have changed so dramatically over time. Why has our fashion ended with where it is now? Is it possible to make the change again? If so, let’s make it happen sooner rather than later!

Department stores should have an open floor plan that together showcase male and female clothing. I’ve purchased boy clothes and haven’t felt weird about it. But I imagine it’s a different experience when a man wants to buy women’s clothing. Wouldn’t it be nicer to not have the Sesame Street lyrics playing in the back of our minds, “One of these things are not like the other?”

Song on Sesame Street Television Program-

Steve Tyler!

Diane Keaton on Jimmy Fallon!

 

Understanding Transgender IV: Pliable Perception

What is my role in and around Transgender? For each of us, the answer will be different. “With greater self-awareness, you will be less likely to make statements that may inadvertently hurt your child. With insight, you will be more likely to offer sound, empathic advice.” (Dohrenwend,xiii) For me, educating myself will help give support to a family member and/or friend. Imagining my child identifying as LGBT has visually motivated my understanding. My LGBT family member or friend and I don’t need to agree on religious beliefs to be sympathetically connected. It’s perfectly obtainable for my spiritual views to honor and respect beliefs that differ. “You need not change your religious affiliation nor reject deeply held beliefs.” (Dohrenwend, xiii) To those of us who are Christian or at least respect Jesus as a great leader; what did He say? “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself” (Matthew 22:37-39). The final product of motherhood for me will never be obtained in this life. It’s a fluid, workable goal that’s always reaching for higher grounds. I need to allow my perception to be pliable. My family and friends have helped me understand how to have unconditional love. In my younger years, people’s decisions and lifestyles went into one of my strict black or white categories. Thankfully time and people have broadened my perception. If my girl(s) are Transgender, I want to see them for their entirety. Even though my eyes cannot see their spirit, I want spiritual connection with them to not be set off-course by their earthly tabernacle.

The Whittington’s story of how they helped their child transition-

 

Understanding Transgender V: Fitting Into the Box

The difficulty with knowledge about Transgender or LGB will be fitting it into a shapely, decorative box that looks nicely in all the institutions I’ve associated myself with. The secret card folded into my sleeve is: I have never fit into any sort of shapely box. So if I don’t find one, that’s fine by me. The book, Coming Around has given me helpful tools if my child were to ‘come out’. Here are bullet points I’ve taken to heart:

  • Don’t confront or tell your child they are Gay, Lesbian or Transgender. (13)
  • Listen and understand their language and words. (8)
  • Guilt serves one purpose- to change course. After that it’s destructive. (13)
  • Get beyond stereotypes. Find time to evaluate perceptions. (15)
  • It’s important that their self-esteem remains intact. Discussing sexuality/gender with a parent exposes the child’s vulnerability. (16)
  • When your child comes out to you, saying these three words are essential. 1- I love you. 2- I’m proud of you. 3-I’m glad you told me. (23)
  • If you are baffled, focus on their feelings until you can get a hold of yours. (27)
  • Hold, hug and kiss them while they are coming out. (29)
  • It’s okay if a parent doesn’t always say the right thing. But it’s best if we are prepared to apologize when we are wrong. (29)

I’ve often wondered why the need to ‘come out’. This quote resonated with me, “Disclosure is an important aspect of intimacy and connection. If we are to be authentic and truly present in a relationship then it is necessary to disclose who we are and what matters to us.” (20) It is of my opinion that living an honest life is benevolent. Also, everyone deserves respect on what they want to keep private and to whom they choose to share certain information.

Music- I Stand All Amazed

 

Anything Box Living in Oblivion

 

Understanding Transgender VI: The Most Important Institution is Family

Non Fictional literature has always taken more energy for me to read. To further my research I feel some grounding needs to take place. This section is intended to put oil in my lamp, and hopefully it will do the same for the readers. My religious views are deep seeded and have 36 years of growing. In regards to LGBT, my beliefs and opinions sometimes conflict with one another. It can be difficult and heart breaking. Keep in mind, I am definitely okay with readers not agreeing with me. Also, even though I link the LDS website in my blog, the LDS faith isn’t responsible for anything I write.

Opinon: When referring to male and female roles, the word ‘role’ feels like a negative concept. It suggests I dress, act and like certain things. However, roles are meant to be empowering not confining. Once we understand our roles, we feel empowered. Once we view roles as empowering, then we are to understand how they apply to us. Responsibility and duty are some synonyms for the word ‘role’. When I think of fulfilling our roles, I also relate this to fulfilling the measure of our creation; which then reverses the implication from negative to positive. I struggle with the right perspective, and maybe there isn’t one. Do we teach our child who sees themselves as the opposite gender that their spirit is the gender they were born with? Or do we help our children transition? I think with either of these options it is best to really meditate on what is best for each person.

Beliefs: A Parent’s Guide is an interesting article found on the LDS website that helps us learn and teach our children about families and our roles. In chapter 1, Intimacy and the Purposes of Earthly Families teaches us the eternal roles of men and women. There is much I loved about this article. I suggest taking the time to read its entirety with a humble heart and open mind. In short, here are bullet points from the article: https://www.lds.org/manual/a-parents-guide/chapter-1-intimacy-and-the-purposes-of-earthly-families?lang=eng

  • In the pre-existence we were all brothers and sister, having one heavenly mother (I added her in) and father. It’s important to help each other to attain immortality and eternal life with our Heavenly parents.
  • Everything we do must bring the blessings of righteousness into the lives of our children.
  • Prayer is the source of communication to our Heavenly Father.
  • When we receive the Holy Ghost and seek gifts of the Spirit, we become Christ-like in his nature –kind, pure in heart, meek and charitable.
  • The Priesthood helps the Lord’s sons receive revelations, inspiration and understanding for their family. A father’s responsibility is to provide for their family’s needs: Shelter, food, clothing, compassion, counsel, comfort and direction. A father willingly accepts responsibility and is responsible for the outcome.
  • The Lord gives equal amount of responsibilities to his daughters. Women give mortal tabernacles to the spirit children of God and then nurtures them to return to live with Heavenly Father.
  • Women receive inspiration and understanding for their family. During pregnancy, she nurtures the child with her own body. “The child is literally flesh of her flesh, and the natural affection that exists between a creator and his creation exists in its strongest earthly form between a mother and child.”

Family is part of Heavenly Father’s Plan of Happiness and therefore shouldn’t be sacrificed. We live here as families and will continue to when we return to heaven. (A Parent’s Guide Chapter 1) Jesus Christ is the light and savior of the world. Opposite of this light is darkness, or Lucifer. At different points in my life, I have felt the works of Lucifer and therefore cannot dismiss he exists. I believe Lucifer knows God’s plan of happiness. Lucifer doesn’t want anyone to obtain it. If Satan destroys the family unit here on earth, then he destroys God’s plan. By destroying God’s plan, Lucifer wins the great battle. Satan makes the good look bad, and the bad look good. He reverses lies into truths. I feel, if we have a close relationship with God it will be easier to see His truth. When someone is Transgender, lets defeat Satan and do all we can to keep our family unit strong.

Music- Families Can Be Together Forever

A Child’s Prayer by Janice Kapp Perry

 

Understanding Transgender VII: Feeling ‘At Home’ Within Our Earthly Tabernacle

Having a female body feels comfortable to me and my spirit enjoys caverning here. But what about those spirits who feel a guest inside their body; how come they don’t feel ‘at home’ in their tabernacle?

God made us in His image. Our spirits match ( or in likeness) that of our earthly bodies as do our bodies match our spirits, as said in D&C section 77 verse 2. We were made spiritually before naturally placed here on earth, as said in Moses chapter 3 verses 5 and 7. It feels to me like we are mocking God when we say He made a mistake when he sent His spirit child into the wrong body. God making a mistake doesn’t fit His position of perfect, omnipotent and omniscient.

If one is in the belief that there are only two genders and also believes in a Christian view of resurrection, Transgender can be confusing. After being resurrected, the Spirit goes back into the same body it was born with, but is healed from all its imperfections. Well, what exactly counts as imperfections and does that include any that our Spirit might have? This is where my information and all my pondering will not fit into a nicely, decorative box. I simply don’t know; and need to exercise faith.

Dr Sax quotes Dr. Gaya about how the brain is a sexual organ and gender of the brain is a huge part of determining the human gender identity. (11) Dr Sax also mentions a study done in the Netherlands that may or may not be accurate, but states the brain of a transsexual man resembles the brain of woman without receiving any feminizing hormonal treatments. (213) Is it fair to ask our child, even though their body is female, and possibly their spirit; to live a life that conflicts with the functioning of their brain? If a born female thinks and feels male, wouldn’t they be more effective and productive by transitioning their bodies to match the way they mentally see themselves? This is a very personal decision. Respect and integrity should be given to either choice of transitioning or not. Free Agency was given to everyone.

I have used the source of prayer to help discover who I am. Heavenly Father is better equipped to guide me than man or society. I feel He wants us to know about our sexuality and gender. He is the one who created our bodies, therefore He knows best on how they function. He knows the effects earth life has on the mortal body and the reactions spirits may have dwelling inside His tabernacles. Using our faith in God will help us not be confused and will help us feel peace with our choices, even if that means we won’t receive our answers.

Scripture Verses-  https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/77?lang=eng  https://www.lds.org/scriptures/pgp/moses/3?lang=eng

Music- The Lord Gave Me a Temple

 

Understanding Transgender VIII: Coming Together

It would be nice if all my religious beliefs and political views came together in harmonious watermelon crunch. There is much more information about LGBT that needs discussing. My research barely skims the surface. LGBT rights are progressing and thankfully is no longer a hush-hush topic. The web links provided in this document show that religious institutions are becoming more aware and sensitive to the diversities of their congregations.

Why would I care about the LGBT community? Because their rates of suicide, victims of bullying and depression are high. LGBT children who are accepted by their parents are less likely to be self-destructive (Dohrenwend,141). They are my brothers and sisters. I care for them and their happiness. They have their journey and I am but yet a personage who will either help them or hinder them in their happiness. America is supposed to be a place where all people are allowed freedoms. Many people have sacrificed their lives for the cause of freedom. When Joseph Smith was Prophet of the LDS church, Mormons struggled to find a place they could live their beliefs. Joseph’s life was taken because he was a seeker of truth. I give back the same generosity that has been bestowed upon us (me) and allow whomever the right to, or not to believe what they choose.

Why do we need to learn about Transgender? Recently I spoke briefly with a religious leader about this topic. His demeanor was respectful, but yet at the same time he seemed aloof to my interest. Maybe his detachment was because of his generations above me. But age aside, I’m guessing the number of people who do feel connected towards Transgender is less than the ones who don’t. I felt like telling this person, Haven’t you even let your mind ponder the idea? What if all this ‘gender’ business is because our eyes are not yet opened…and they need to be. Compassion has widened the walls of my heart. Having more knowledge about gender helps me know myself better. Knowing more about the masculine brain helps me better understand my husband and males in general. I am glad to have allowed my mind to go through this process and will allow it to continue…

Inspiring non-religious devotional-

Russell Brand-Awakened Man

 

Here are the resources that helped me with Coming to Understand Transgender

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Humor in the Humble

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Humor has always been important to me. Mainly because my life  is filled with embarrassing moments. The day of getting lost was extremely mortifying and energy draining. I definitely didn’t have anything to laugh about. The day of getting lost made the next day so hilarious, mostly because there just wasn’t any more room for sulking. But also, if embarrassment is open to humbling, humor can be found.

 

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Eden hadn’t seen my full outfit up until this point. When I got out of the car she looked at my pants and laughed, “You have grass stains all over your pants!” They were new pants that were purposely faded on the front thigh area. Apparently the fading looked more like grass stains! It made me laugh. Then she asked if they were cat pants because the fading around the pockets looked like cat whiskers.  Today was filled with laughter. Thank goodness, because it could have easily have gone like the day before where adversity meant sulking and crying. But today it meant smiling and laughing.

 

Ivy Minda’s Blessing

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Jake and I had our youngest daughter blessed on March 2, 2014 in the LDS church. A baby blessing in the LDS church isn’t like a christening or baptism into the church.  Our baptisms are at the age of 8 or older. This decision is made because of the 2nd article of faith. There are 13 of them and they are used as a guideline to the scriptures. The second article states:  “We believe that men will be punished for their own sins, and not for Adam’s transgression.” Some Faiths believe children are born in sin and need to be baptized as an infant. The LDS faith believe babies are born perfect and if they die before the age of accountability (8yrs old) they automatically go live with Jesus.The blessing ordinance is given in church by a Priesthood holder. They act as a conduit for God, relaying  His words that will help inspire and guide the recipient throughout their life.

A significant amount of energy went into making this event special.  Family and friends were invited. Treats were eaten: cupcakes, brownies, cookies, and candy. A simple lunch menu served: pulled BBQ chicken sandwiches, chips, fruit and veggies. A blessing  scrapbook was made; here are a couple of its excerpts.

This quote about modesty resonated with Jake and I:

“Everything that God made valuable in the world is covered and hard to get to. Where do you find diamonds? Deep down in the ground, covered and protected. Where do you find pearls? Deep down at the bottom of the ocean, covered up and protected in a beautiful shell. Where do you find gold? Way down in the mine, covered over with layers and layers of rock. You’ve got to work hard to get to them. Your body is sacred. You’re far more precious than diamonds and pearls, and you should be covered too.”

Muhammad Ali

If names were to be attached to scriptures in hopes to guide a person through life, this would be one of them:

 

1)I am the true vine, and my Father is the husbandman.
2) Every branch in me that beareth not fruit he taketh away: and every branch that beareth fruit, he purgeth it, that it may bring forth more fruit.
3) Now ye are clean through the word which I have spoken unto you.
4) Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine; no more can ye, except ye abide in me.
5) I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing.
6) If a man abide not in me, he is cast forth as a branch, and is withered; and men gather them, and cast them into the fire, and they are burned.
7) If ye abide in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall bask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you.
8) Herein is my Father glorified, that ye bear much fruit; so shall ye be my disciples.
9) As the Father hath loved me, so have I loved you: continue ye in my love.
10) If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father’s commandments, and abide in his love.
11) These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full

John 15:1-11

About 30 people came over to our house after the ordinance. It was so fun!  I’m grateful for my family who came and gave a significant amount of help. Thanks to all those who gave their support.

 

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