Losing Grace

A friend of mine pointed out on her blog that most family blogs only tell the light-hearted side of life. She vowed to be more honest in her writing. In trying to do this myself I’m forewarning you this post will do just that; show a side of me that is unlikeable.

I thought grace left me on the day of my daughter’s birthday.(For several reasons that don’t pertain here.) The next 3 days were spent dwelling on how I managed to lose grace. But I was wrong… Grace actually left me on the third day of grieving its absence. It could be, grace was long gone and this event was the repercussion or the after-math effect. But either way, it was this day I knew for sure grace was gone.

To help my daughters not be scared, I’ve tried hard to create monsters into something good, funny, or a metaphor. However, one of the worst things I’ve done as a parent in the last 6 years(since my oldest is 6) was trying to do just this. Our girls have a problem with screaming at each other. It looks very much like a monster you’d see on television. So I created this space where, if they did this kind of behavior, they would be sent there to calm down. The place? Under my massage table. Why? Seemed like a great place, a save place to me. What was it called? The Monster Box.

Well…it was the stupidest name! After thinking more about putting the two words, monster and box together, I could see the warped image a child might have. Most of you reading this are probably muttering to yourself, “Yeah, I could have told you that from the beginning.” It took the second time using this space to see, that trying to get a small child to sit in this space actually turned me into a monster.

The rest of this day was spent trying to recover from the event. Filling our day with happy pictures was a must. We hiked Elfin Forest, the girls played in the yard, had popsicles and then watched the movie, Monster in Paris. The movie was quite befitting; since the monster was kind-hearted, had a lovely singing voice and played the guitar. (all the attributes I wish to possess). Most importantly, we denounced the monster-box and instated the Safety-Fort. A place where they can say anything they want and won’t get in trouble. A place where they can calm down from whatever is giving them anxiety or frustration. The new title fits better for the intentions is was created for. After their showers I gave them a massage on the roof of the fort. Their pops then put them to bed and I finished this post.

I’m putting myself back onto the road to find grace.

Advertisements